23rd May 2009
Currently, i am a 17 year old female, just left Sixth Form, and awaiting my exams!! It has now been around 18 months since i began to ruin my life.
16 months ago, i was diagnosed as suffering from EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) ie. a mixture of both Anorexia and Bulimia. Not only has it torn my life to shreds, it has left my family in tatters, me friendless and alone, having to restart my life. Never has the phrase hidden behind a mask become so important in someones life. I live everyday with a brave face on, a smile and a giggle, when really terror and tears are ruling my life.
Noone is really too sure when this all began and why. I have had the most perfect upbringing, my parents have not seperated, we have never struggled for money, noone in my family has long term health problems and i am lucky to have only lost three people close to me, My Gran in 2002, My Uncle in 2008 and My Friend in 2008. I never met my mums real father, he died when she was only young, but my step-grandad is amazing. I have one younger sister, an absolute darling, who has stood by me so much even though i have been a complete witch to her. I would now class her and my mum as my best friends, but i cant talk to them about everything. If i was to talk to them everytime i needed to, they would be in the same dark tunnel i am in. That is why i have created this. I need somewhere to vent my fustrations, fears and joys, somewhere where noone has to listen, but where i can get it all out, without feeling as if i am burdening those i love.
I am 155cm tall, and currently weigh about 1.5Kg under my *target weight* of 50Kg, (I say *target wieght* it's the weigh THEY, the infamous clinic, want me to reach). I am therfore classed as underweight, but i completely disagree, this obviously makes each day a struggle but one i am willing to undertake if it means that one day i canregain some form of normality in my life. I will never be able to say i have beaten my eating disorder, if i ever say that then alarm bells will ring, i just have to learn to control and live with this new me!!
On December 25th 2007, i locked myself in my hotel room, and made myself sick until i passed out, by flushing my body with water. This continued two or three times daily, for 6 months before i broke down to my ex-boyfriend. He took me to the doctors, where they referred me to a specialist for cognitative behavioural therapy, what a load of rubbish!!
This is my story...
16 months ago, i was diagnosed as suffering from EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) ie. a mixture of both Anorexia and Bulimia. Not only has it torn my life to shreds, it has left my family in tatters, me friendless and alone, having to restart my life. Never has the phrase hidden behind a mask become so important in someones life. I live everyday with a brave face on, a smile and a giggle, when really terror and tears are ruling my life.
Noone is really too sure when this all began and why. I have had the most perfect upbringing, my parents have not seperated, we have never struggled for money, noone in my family has long term health problems and i am lucky to have only lost three people close to me, My Gran in 2002, My Uncle in 2008 and My Friend in 2008. I never met my mums real father, he died when she was only young, but my step-grandad is amazing. I have one younger sister, an absolute darling, who has stood by me so much even though i have been a complete witch to her. I would now class her and my mum as my best friends, but i cant talk to them about everything. If i was to talk to them everytime i needed to, they would be in the same dark tunnel i am in. That is why i have created this. I need somewhere to vent my fustrations, fears and joys, somewhere where noone has to listen, but where i can get it all out, without feeling as if i am burdening those i love.
I am 155cm tall, and currently weigh about 1.5Kg under my *target weight* of 50Kg, (I say *target wieght* it's the weigh THEY, the infamous clinic, want me to reach). I am therfore classed as underweight, but i completely disagree, this obviously makes each day a struggle but one i am willing to undertake if it means that one day i canregain some form of normality in my life. I will never be able to say i have beaten my eating disorder, if i ever say that then alarm bells will ring, i just have to learn to control and live with this new me!!
On December 25th 2007, i locked myself in my hotel room, and made myself sick until i passed out, by flushing my body with water. This continued two or three times daily, for 6 months before i broke down to my ex-boyfriend. He took me to the doctors, where they referred me to a specialist for cognitative behavioural therapy, what a load of rubbish!!
This is my story...
